Ma’am to Mrs

A career transition journey from Military to Civilian

Overwhelmed and Anxious – The Importance of Time Management for Resettlement — 12th Jul 2021

Overwhelmed and Anxious – The Importance of Time Management for Resettlement

Anxiety happens when you think you have to figure everything out all at once. Breathe. You’re strong. You’ve got this. Take it day by day.

Karen Salmansohn

I’ve had a bit of a crazy month this month. Everything seems to be getting on top of me and I can’t focus. Part of the problem for me is not being able to say no when I really want to help. I will commit to things, but don’t then consider the time it will be taking up (especially as we only have intranet at work, so anything on the internet will have to be done outside of working hours).

So I’ve had to do some time-management – and I actually asked my boss to help me out in case I wasn’t focusing on the right things. I came up with a list of everything I want to do for my resettlement and then a separate list for the work I want to achieve in the office. Then I went through it and assigned an importance to them all – need, nice to have and drop.

Need

I have a number of projects ongoing at work, so I have prioritised them accordingly and refused to take on anything new until I’ve removed them from my list. Anything else that comes in now I will have to consider the timeline of it as I’ll be finishing work in December.

My L5 CIPD course in L&D is top of the list of course, but I have now also identified a number of other courses that I’d like to complete and use my ELC’s for, so my attention has been drawn towards that – I can’t possibly take on more courses right now, but knowing that I want to do them is enough.

LinkedIn is also a very important aspect of resettlement. Getting to grips with the consistency required is my latest learning curve with that – I missed a couple of days of content and the resulting from in visibility was almost immediate.

Next is my CV – I’ve got a draft sorted, but there’s so much more I could be doing with it. In one step, I’ve made an appointment with John at the Forces Transition Group for a 1-2-1 to go over it, but I want to make some time to step it up on this front.

Attending resettlement events and workshops from CTP is also a priority. I’ve had to remove myself from some of these due to other commitments and I find that I kick myself afterwards. I’m mindful of the remaining time I have left and I would like to fully understand the different industries out there and where my skills may lie within each.

Nice to have

I have now discovered what I’d like to do, which is a direct result of attending an event with Pearsons – I sent LinkedIn connection requests to the people running the event and ended up having a meeting with one of them, who took me through the types of role they have available. She then forwarded my details to other contacts in the same industry. The work of Skills Coach for Apprentices that we have been speaking about really sings to me as it fits within the Learning & Development field and you can have direct impact on individuals’, get to know and advise them and really make a difference to their careers. I feel like this sort of role would fit me perfectly. The people I’ve spoken to have given me next steps to look into, which is great and really encouraging.

Now that I’ve figured this out, all of my mental capacity has been taken up thinking about it and what I can do next. It’s taking up all of my mind and I’m feeling overwhelmed by it all – which is resulting in me not doing the things from my ‘need’ list.

I’ve been approached by Army Comms to help them on a campaign about transitioning out of the military. This is obviously something I’m passionate about, so I really want to help out where I can. I’m really looking forward to the opportunity to hopefully give back some of the positive experiences and help others understand that the emotional rollercoaster we’re all on is both an individual and a shared one.

Drop

I’d been asked to help test out a course for transitioning military. It’s an amazing opportunity and I wish I could have engaged more with it. It should only take around 30 mins per day, but I don’t seem to be able to fit that into my day right now. Again, if we had internet at work I could fit it in over lunch, but we don’t – and it’s a 20 min walk back home so I’d not have time to eat if I did that. I was really disappointed that I couldn’t have engaged more with this – and that I’d let down the lovely lady who had asked me to be a part of it; it seemed to come at the wrong time and I just mentally couldn’t fit it in.

So what else have I dropped? I’ll be honest, it’s the constant turnaround of housework! I’ve got the boys helping me out more to get all of the jobs done and set them up a GoHenry account to drop in some money when they’ve done their jobs. I’ve not mowed the lawn for a bit but it’s encouraging the bees to come into the garden, which is great. For me, allowing myself to accept that the house is a mess and the garden needs doing but I don’t ‘have’ to have everything neat & tidy all of the time is a good feeling. I’m still uncomfortable with it – but I know that something will have to drop or my head will explode with the never-ending to-do list.

In the end, I need to give myself a break, allow the less important things to drop and realise what the most important things are for me right now. There’s so much going on and I don’t want to put myself in a position where I burnout and end up hating the transition time.

Career Change Meltdown No1 — 22nd Mar 2021

Career Change Meltdown No1

Photo by Anna Tarazevich on Pexels.com

I was so relieved to have made the decision to leave the Forces once my 24 years were up. I could now stop worrying about staying and trying to plan 2 postings ahead for the boys. I could stop splitting my ‘worry-time’ and set about looking at my next career. We were still in Cyprus, but we had bought our house so that was also off the tick list.  The next priority question on my mind was ‘What would I do next?’

I was determined that I would not just fall into something I didn’t want to do (unless it was part of a bigger plan). I wanted to find ‘myself’ and do something I genuinely enjoyed – but what? How would I be able to identify that? What else was out there? There must be something I’d enjoy! How do I know what I enjoy if I’ve not tried it before? I’m not qualified for anything, I’ve been doing this since I was 19 – what is out there now that I don’t know about? How do I find out what to do next? How will I know I’m doing the right thing? I’ll never get paid what I get in the Forces – how much will I need? I don’t know how to do anything so I’ll have to start again from scratch on minimum wage – can we afford that…?

Suddenly I was in the middle of a panic attack – I was sat having a brew with my husband in a café and I suddenly burst into tears and announced (probably more loudly than I should have) ‘I have no transferrable skills!’ ‘All I can do is work a spreadsheet!’ ‘There’s nothing I enjoy!’ ‘How am I supposed to work out what I like to do? I’ve been doing the same thing for so long – I don’t know what’s out there – how do I figure this out?!’

My husband rolled his eyes – probably expecting this at some point – he’s getting used to my apparently sudden outbursts (they’re not sudden, it’s just a build-up of emotions that finally tip me over).  He assured me that I was better than I thought and I actually remember him saying ‘Look – get yourself on LinkedIn. You’ll see lots of people on there that you knew when they were serving and they were muppets. Look at what they’re doing now – you’ll be surprised at the skills you do have. I have no doubt that you will end up doing great.’ He was being flippant about the ‘muppets’, but he made his point; I will get through this and I’m probably not giving myself enough credit (I need to get myself a confidence boost from somewhere).

I hadn’t been on LinkedIn before – I hadn’t needed to, so I took a look and started to see the links to skills that I actually did have.  This calmed me a bit; but the self-doubt, questions and fear were all still there. What was I going to do? How was I going to do it? All of this was new to me and quite frankly scaring me – what if I couldn’t find a job, how would we pay the bills? I’ve never not had my own money; I don’t want to rely on my husband’s income – I would feel so bad.

My head was spinning with the unknown outcomes of the scenarios running through my imagination. I had to take myself away to think on my own about how I was going to do this before I drowned in the overwhelming feelings and lack of control.

All of this took place over the space of about half an hour before our brew was finished. I resolved to look more closely at what I was feeling and figure out how to answer at least some of my questions.